Today would have been my son Mason's 12th birthday. Mason was born with a severe and rare heart defect. We knew at 20 weeks of pregnancy that his heart had not developed normally and that he would be a high risk pregnancy and birth. We knew his chances of surviving to birth and beyond were slim, but we had hope. We believe in miracles and we are positive thinkers, always believing for the best outcome. But, we didn't get that miracle. Mason did survive pregnancy and was born breathing on his own--his 5 minute apgar score was 9. But, his heart defect was even worse than they had predicted and surgery was not going to save him. We had small glimmers of hope, his coloring was good, he didn't gasp for air, even though he had very small lungs because his big heart took up most of his chest cavity.
After a few days, his condition worsened, he no longer was breathing on his own, he needed to be intubated. Surgeons across the nation said surgery was impossible, Mason wouldn't survive it. One doctor asked us if we were prolonging life or prolonging death. This was when we knew we needed to let go--let go of the hope we had, let go of our son. We signed a DNR and chose to take our son off of life support. This is a decision no parent should ever have to make, but with God's grace and love, we were able to. After six precious days, I held my son as he died. It was hard and I wanted to die too, but knew I couldn't. I had to go on and I did, minute by minute and day by day.
This week I had to let go again, of my eldest, 19 year old baby. He flew across the country to see a long distance girlfriend. My eldest graduated from high school a year ago, and this past year has not been an easy one. He has made some bad choices, has struggled to know what he wants and to define who he is. And I have been holding on tightly--holding on to my dreams for him, holding on to the little boy. But, as I drove away from the airport, I was filled with a sense of peace. I feel like I have finally let go, believe he will be okay, will figure it. He is an amazing young man and I know he will find his path, not mine, but his, as it should be.
So, my scary thing is maybe not what Donna was thinking of when she posted this challenge, but letting go, doing the hardest thing a mom could ever do makes all of the other things easy. It makes facing a challenge in decor or business doable because I know with God I can do anything, even the impossible. Find more stories of facing the scary in our lives at Funky Junk Interiors.